False Hopes

I don't think the fashion world is going to make it. On the other hand, it might outlive the rats after Armageddon. The world needs it's illusions and photos of expensive clothes on hanger girls feeds illusions in an obese world entering a recession. Unless we change our perceptions of ourselves and the world we live in, we will continue to focus on unimportant things and continue to go to hell in a handbasket.

Urban Advertising

Has anyone heard the Burger King radio ad in which a woman exclaims " 'cause I don't like all that bread" in reference to a Big Mac? And I know those in the tri-state area have seen the Optimum Online ad for Latinos. What is really going on? Have we become so mind numbed that we can't see how these companies are using the racist stereotypes they created about us ON us? The lack of articulation in the Burger King ad was the first thing I heard one morning listening to The Steve Harvey Morning Show (i love it!!!). I'm laughing and preparing for work and this ad came on and I actually heard it. Not the glossy skim over I usually do with advertising, I heard it and was offended. I'm more and more offended nowadays at what I consider to be a general dumbing down of society, to hear that - during something that I cherish for it's blackness- made me feel complicit. More than that that I was embarrassed. In my house, my safe space preparing for my day of work- embarrassed. There's no reason for inarticulate black people to sell me burgers. It may be elitist and what do I expect from urban radio (the urban euphemism for ghetto withstanding) but Dr. King didn't die for us to wallow in mediocrity. I don't care if that's how people sound or if it's "real". We must change the reality of our lives and it can begin with telling Burger King and Optimum that it's not okay to feed us poison to get us to buy more poison.

pharmacutical ads are the devil

where are all these diseases coming from? we've been on this planet for billions of years, do we really need medicine for restless leg syndrome?

I like that I did this at work

Cause now I feel like I'm getting paid to write. It's funny how life works. I was feeling all jazzed about my little affair and as quickly and intensely as it began it ended. That's because boys are stupid. Not just in a general superficial men are from mars way, but they are taught to be boys and not men. This society isn't formed to build adults. Our parents are so busy trying to retain the youth they've built entire industries around that our adulthood was never considered because it would mean they had to age. And more than age, they'd have to mature to a point where they would be forced to look at themselves and see their errors contextually and take responsibility for them. Maybe I'm talking out of my ass or only of my personal experience, but I have a ton of friends whose parents are like big children. Emotionally retarded adults or immature children. It's a mess.

I say all that to say that I tend to gravitate toward men who have a certain boyishness in their behavior that I find attractive until it's annoyingly short term and immature. Artist types tend to be like this. It's the nature of the beast. I'm immature too, so I can call it because I'm familiar with it. I was raised by immature people.

Fuck this

i'm so fucking sick of not writing and being afraid of people (like my dad) seeing my writing and being horrified by the reality of my life. the carefully constructed me that's good and pure and loves the world and who's a big ball of love and light- she's all fucked up. and she loves to use the word fuck. and she is me. i just read a friends blog that's so gorgeous and personal and profound. i claim to be a writer and i don't write. i think the scariest thing is that i'm afraid everyone (including myself) will discover what a fraud i am. but isn't everybody? i work on the commercials for christsake. it's full of the most fraudulent assholes you'll ever meet. if i don't write what i want... i'm going to die.

i drink too much and i smoke too much. i don't have enough sex. i don't have enough money all the time. i hate being politically correct. i watch too much tv. i'm way too self centered and i don't do enough for others. i do too much for others a lot. i love my therapist. i'm having a little affair that i'm really digging right now and it scares me a little. i'm not sure how to have relationships and i always intellectualize emotions since they scare the shit out of me. i'm always sure somebody knows more than me, well because there's always someone who knows more than me about just about everything i could possibly think i know. boys scare me. i'm a big ball of fear.
but boys scare me because i love to love and love very easily. and probably stink of desperation so it means that losers usually love me. but since i know that it makes me wary of them because i'm growing and changing and keep believing that this one, whichever one we're on, is gonna be different. it's a fucked up situation.

N word- Balls!!!!

I just got an email from my friends re: Nas’s new album and how it’s called “the N word” or something like that. This sparked the conversation about this infamous N word (which is the most ridiculous euphamism I’ve ever heard). This is what I think about that part…..
They can bury the word “nigger” all they want. I’m gonna use it. It might not be right, but I don’t care. Why aren't we burying “patriarchy” or “white supremacy”. I’ll get a fancy hat for those funerals. Those words are murderous systems. The so-called N word is an ugly noun. It has no power other than taking our eyes off the prize and keeping us focused on things not going to help us systematically change our environments. So f the n word.

As long as we’re focusing our energies on Jesse Jackson’s bullshit, we won’t get to the point of any real movement and continue to practice civil rights movement protests and effigies in the technological age. That’s like buying a rotary cell phone. It’s analog behavior in a digital age. Marches, picket signs, sit-in’s wearing black in solidarity (which was easy for me- I live in NYC… nobody noticed). This simulacrum of progress is a more detrimental exercise than being an unarmed black man anywhere on these shores.